Online Dating Profile Don'ts: The Pictures
As I'm recently single, I've returned to the world of online dating and as I peruse the profiles, I'm seeing some pictures that are all kinds of wrong.
1. Pictures with your handsomer friends.
Okay, you've got hot friends... are they single? Because between you and me, I can't say I'd be above befriending you to get to your hotter friends. And making that one picture with your hot friends your only picture, I'm not even going to pretend you're not trying to pretend you're the hotter friend. NEXT
2. The odd shirtless pictures
You know the ones... the one with the non-muscular doughy bodies. The ones you took at the beach with your friends? While I might admire your boldness, but the sight of your shapeless chest and nipples should wait until I already in like or love or lust with you... before that, your sand bag-shaped man boobs should not be your profile picture. NEXT
3. The professional shoot
You know the Sears studio pictures your mother made you take when you were a kid? A bad idea then, a bad idea now... please stop. NEXT
4. The casual shot
The one where you're not overdressed, not trying too hard, smiling casually at the camera, that picture is a winner, let's see more of it. LET'S TALK
5. The overdressed one
I don't know any man who goes through life in a tuxedo next to a rented luxury car... don't pretend it's your life... NEXT
6. The duckface
NEXT
7. The ax murderer
Have your most honest friend check those pictures out with you and if they tell you the picture reminds them of an ax murderer, believe them and get a better picture... not one taken from your computer in the basement... please. NEXT
8. The constant accessory
I get it, you have... capillary issues. OWN THEM... take the hat off. Same for the sunglasses in every picture... you do have eyes, right? RIGHT? RIGHT??? NEXT
9. The gang signs...
It's 2015... NEXT
10. Check out my bling
Earrings, man bracelets, chains, watches, rings... and you expect me to compete with that level of vanity? Oh, how you must be on crack... NEXT
11. The Celebrity Picture
Yeah, I'm 100% sure Italian soccer stars and Hollywood actors aren't searching for dates online and if so, they wouldn't use TV screen captures. NEXT
12. The carefree dad
With his kids, looking blissful and happy... sexy as hell. LET'S TALK
13. The frustrated male model
The guy who thinks he'd have won every season of the Boys and Girls version of America's Next Top Model and wouldn't have made it past the audition... NEXT
14. The bathroom selfie
In all of the places you find yourself in the course of a day, the place where other people pee and poop was the best place to take the picture that would make me go wow, I wanna date that guy? Really? NEXT
15. The bad photoshop
The best picture of you was one with your ex so your best move was scratch her face out with paint? Oh lord, the lack of tech knowledge alone makes me say: NEXT
There are good ones out there... but by God, no one buys a book with an unattractive jacket.
1. Pictures with your handsomer friends.
Okay, you've got hot friends... are they single? Because between you and me, I can't say I'd be above befriending you to get to your hotter friends. And making that one picture with your hot friends your only picture, I'm not even going to pretend you're not trying to pretend you're the hotter friend. NEXT
2. The odd shirtless pictures
You know the ones... the one with the non-muscular doughy bodies. The ones you took at the beach with your friends? While I might admire your boldness, but the sight of your shapeless chest and nipples should wait until I already in like or love or lust with you... before that, your sand bag-shaped man boobs should not be your profile picture. NEXT
3. The professional shoot
You know the Sears studio pictures your mother made you take when you were a kid? A bad idea then, a bad idea now... please stop. NEXT
4. The casual shot
The one where you're not overdressed, not trying too hard, smiling casually at the camera, that picture is a winner, let's see more of it. LET'S TALK
5. The overdressed one
I don't know any man who goes through life in a tuxedo next to a rented luxury car... don't pretend it's your life... NEXT
6. The duckface
NEXT
7. The ax murderer
Have your most honest friend check those pictures out with you and if they tell you the picture reminds them of an ax murderer, believe them and get a better picture... not one taken from your computer in the basement... please. NEXT
8. The constant accessory
I get it, you have... capillary issues. OWN THEM... take the hat off. Same for the sunglasses in every picture... you do have eyes, right? RIGHT? RIGHT??? NEXT
9. The gang signs...
It's 2015... NEXT
10. Check out my bling
Earrings, man bracelets, chains, watches, rings... and you expect me to compete with that level of vanity? Oh, how you must be on crack... NEXT
11. The Celebrity Picture
Yeah, I'm 100% sure Italian soccer stars and Hollywood actors aren't searching for dates online and if so, they wouldn't use TV screen captures. NEXT
12. The carefree dad
With his kids, looking blissful and happy... sexy as hell. LET'S TALK
13. The frustrated male model
The guy who thinks he'd have won every season of the Boys and Girls version of America's Next Top Model and wouldn't have made it past the audition... NEXT
14. The bathroom selfie
In all of the places you find yourself in the course of a day, the place where other people pee and poop was the best place to take the picture that would make me go wow, I wanna date that guy? Really? NEXT
15. The bad photoshop
The best picture of you was one with your ex so your best move was scratch her face out with paint? Oh lord, the lack of tech knowledge alone makes me say: NEXT
There are good ones out there... but by God, no one buys a book with an unattractive jacket.
posted by Theranna @ 9:59 PM
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